I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
Randomize
