I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
We had to coat check the pizza.
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
Randomize
