guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Randomize
