drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
Randomize
