road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Randomize