she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
She's not a foreskin expert like you
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
Randomize
