My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
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