the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Randomize
