I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
Randomize
