Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
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