Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
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