I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
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