I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
SEEEEXXX PLEASE
I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
Is it weird that we showed each other our pussy's and pointed out the good and bad things about each others??
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
Randomize
