Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
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