So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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