i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
This is a test message to see whether or not the recipient is alive.
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
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