Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
Randomize
