can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Randomize