hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
Randomize
