Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Randomize