my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
Randomize
