Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
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