I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
Randomize
