life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
Never joke about your clitoris.
Randomize
