Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
Boobs speak an international language.
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
Randomize
