i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
Randomize
