who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
Randomize
