So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
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