did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
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