So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
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