So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
Randomize