Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
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