what if every blade of grass was a penis?
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
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