even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
Randomize
