You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
We have so much sex to catch up on
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
Randomize
