we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
