mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
Randomize
