You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
