is it wrong to smoke out middle schoolers?
yes...dear jesus what did you do?
bwahaha. ask your little brother in about 20 minutes. im dropping him off.
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
We're hate flirting, damnit.
Randomize