well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
Do you have feelings for this penis?
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize
