..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
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