Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Randomize
