Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
Randomize
