There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
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