apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize
