she looked like the before picture.
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
Randomize
