The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
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