meet me or not, i'm out of control
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
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