I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
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