The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
Randomize
