okay pat passed out under dana's car
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
third nipple confirmed
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
Randomize
