I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
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