great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
Randomize
