Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
