I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
Sacagawea was the original milf.
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
He? As in you personified your dick?
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Randomize
