I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Randomize
