I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
Randomize
