i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
Randomize