she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
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