i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Randomize