You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
It was like getting head from an anaconda
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
Randomize
