When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
Randomize
