Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
Randomize
