It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
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