You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
Randomize
