you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
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