Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
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