speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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