If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
Randomize
