I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
