I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
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