I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
You smell like stripper and shame
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
I deserve to be covered in dicks
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
Randomize