guys are only as good as the porn they watch
im getting my college education on yahoo answers.
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
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