we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
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