I'm laying in your front yard are you home
We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
Randomize
