His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
I need water and some morals
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
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