Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
Randomize
