I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
Randomize
