I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Randomize
