Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
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