well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
quick i need to know how implid consent works for golf carts
too late i think im gettin a gcui
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
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